Grieving

Red wine stained lipstick covers sad smiles
in the blissful drunkenness of grief. Unsteady
feet have never been as funny as when the
mind-numbing heat flowed through your
veins after losing the part of you that
remembers what it feels like to be happy.

Wonderland

I lost myself when I fell down the rabbit hole,
obsessed with time, the future held in a
stopwatch pocketed by no ones hands but
my own. I look through the eyes of the hatter,
no need to get high with the caterpillar to see
illusions within the mirror. I’ve always dictated
this heart, but the kingdom is failing, derailing
heads of hope is the only way to cope with this
downfall.

Burning

He had a soul of embers and a heart of ash.
The smoke filling my lungs when we kissed
became an addiction. His love was given to
me with a  singed tongue, but I’d come to
crave the way it seared my heart. The heat
was comfort, contrasted my iced eyes,
glazed over with gasoline. That night I
cried, I forgot to blink away, leaving me to
live in the aftermath of his explosion.

What’s In A Name?

I called you best friend so often that
when the time came to remember your
name, I couldn’t. And that’s how I lost
you.

Social media proves to be a useful way
to rekindle relationships with people
you no longer see regularly,
Unless you shamefully forget the name
of the one you shamelessly told
every thing to.

The one who held your secrets like
the hand of a loved one. The one
you let trust you with their problems
the same you trust a bank-teller your
pin number.

And suddenly, I became a bank-teller,
you trusted me with every thing that
could make or break you, but I could
not remember your name the next day.

And every time I want to find you, and
tell you I made a mistake, that the
withdrawal was too big, I can’t find the
pin that your name has become, a four
digit code that secures the most valuable
parts of you, and I realize the importance
such a simple series of letters or numbers
can have.

Fever Dreams

I want to follow you into the
depths of a shadowed unknown.
A place feared, many wish not
to visit such darkness. Blind
for so long, living in the light
of days scares me more than
walking hand-in-hand into
the conjectured oblivion. So,
let us chase the unseen in favor
of surviving all these fever dreams.

Closer Look

If you look close enough,

you can see your face between

the lines of this poem.

If you search hard enough,

you can see that every word

I write tells a story I want to

share with you when I can’t

find my own voice.

Between the pain, the hope,

the lovely illustrations brought

into this world by my mind

and my pencil, hides every

piece of you offered to me

when I couldn’t find my own

inspiration.

Wall

I am not an easy person to love.

There is this wall I built for protection,

reinforced after each time a new visitor

made it over and took something when they left.

I watched you fight your way to the

top of the wall, slice open your hands on

the barbed wire and fall at my feet.

You brought lights to replace the ones stolen,

so why can I no longer see you?

I am not an easy person to love,

but I will sit under the flickering bulbs

awaiting your return. I even put in a

gate so I don’t have to watch you bleed for me.

Moved On

As a result of the dream my mind conjured,

I mustered up the courage to do what I’ve

been meaning to do for some time.

 

With a sudden burst of strength, I

took every carefully crafted letter,

every dutifully drawn picture and

I disposed of them.

 

And I cried.

 

I cried for the months spent loving

and the months wasted waiting for

something that wasn’t going to become.

 

And this time I cried, I cried not

because it felt like losing a love,

but because it finally felt like saying

goodbye.

Laws of Thermodynamic Love

~Unfinished, but idk if I will finish it~

 

The first Law of Thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.

The second law of thermodynamics states that some of said energy becomes heat, causing it to become unusable.

Last night, when my dreams became traitors after not thinking about you for almost two months, I found this to be true when it comes to love.

The first law of thermodynamic love states that love is always there, resting at the bottom of your chest, waiting to be transformed into feelings beyond your control.

The second law of thermodynamic love states that when love transforms, bits get left behind, never fully making it to the next love.

Instead, it manifests into quiet nights left within lonesome thoughts, wedging itself through the cracks of your subconscious mind, creating images in your sleep.